I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
