Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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