He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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