So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
