Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
