I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
