Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
