So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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