you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
