so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
