his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
