DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
