his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
