Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
