When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ugly people sure do ruin things
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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