I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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