someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
