how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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