is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
