I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
