do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
