I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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