it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
