Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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