dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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