When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
