Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
