yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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