I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
