I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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