Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
