Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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