Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
