Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
