I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
