I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
