you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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