Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
