You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
