I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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