Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
