Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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