Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
