i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
