I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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