i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
