Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
