Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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