vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
