Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
