I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
