Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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